


Moving Forward

by Captain12479



Category: Dark Angel (TV)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-04 22:23:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15156908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain12479/pseuds/Captain12479
Summary: NONE of these characters or names are mine. Based off the TV show Dark Angel. My version of events after the series finale. Starting with the last scene of the show. I'm a sucker for alec/max and I'm not the biggest fan of Logan Cale. This is a slight train wreck, as I don't write often, but hopefully you'll like it. I did my best!





	1. About time

Things started off pretty well, actually. I mean as well as can be expected when you’re living in Terminal City with a bunch of other freaks and the general public kinda hates you. It stared off with a speech, pulling us all together. It started off with acknowledging one another as real, and valid. It started off with Joshua’s flag. I watched it go up with what felt like a punch to my gut. “Now look what you’ve done” whispered into my ear. Yeah, what have I done indeed. He was holding my hand and my stomach was churning but as I watched that flag rise up, I felt calm like I finally understood my real mission. And that’s when things stopped going well. 

The skin on the back of my neck started crawling, shoulders tensing, fight or flight mode kicking in. For whatever reason, I chose that moment to glance over at Alec and realize that he, OC, and the little voice in the back of my head were actually right. I started thinking back over me and Logan’s whatever ‘it’s not like that’ thing and I started getting mad. Hey, nobody ever said I had good timing. I must have been putting off some serious waves of anger, ‘cause Alec and Josh both looked over at me confused. I tried not to meet Alec’s eye. I hated it when he was right and I knew, as always, he would see right through me if I looked at him.

“What is it, Little Fella’? Aren’t you happy for my flag?” Joshua asked with a little bit of hurt in his voice. I looked at him and sucked in a breath, trying to force myself back in order. “ I love your flag big guy, I've just got a few things on my mind right now.” I replied, trying to act like all was well and good and I wasn't getting really worked up over how blind I had been. I plastered a smile on my face and watched Alec grimace at the attempt.

I wasn’t fooling anyone, or I didn’t think I was, but Logan smiled sweetly over at me and raised my hand as if to kiss it over my glove. Slightly nauseous, I yanked it away and mumbled an excuse to his shocked reaction as I walked off, Joshua calling after me. My head was spinning a little and I needed a minute to clear it. OC had tried to make me see sense a few weeks prior. Always asking why all of Eye’s Only’s little missions had to put me in danger at every turn, and what on earth Logan was thinking forcing me to keep going even when I was having seizures or already wounded. Sure, I was tough, but a girl’s gotta have some down time too. Original Cindy had finally sat me down over a cold beer at Crash and given it to me straight.  
“You think he loves you, right? Well do you love me?”  
I looked at her like that was too stupid for me to even bother answering but she ignored my look and continued,  
“okay, so would you put me into that situation? And don’t start on how I’m not a revved up female like you, sugar, that is NOT the point.”  
I knew that under no circumstances would I ever demand of Cindy what I felt was demanded of me from Logan, and I really didn't have anything to say, so I just listened as she laid it out for half an hour. When she was done, Sketchy came over and glanced at her for the all clear. She nodded and he sat down  
“Listen, Max, we just want what’s best for you. And we think what’s best for you is staying alive. Especially now with Manticore gone and half the world out to get you and the other half needing you.”  
I had nodded along, but I didn’t let their words penetrate too deep. It was a little too much to think about all at once. I’d gone home and hadn’t slept for five days. Alec had finally come by and handed me soup and a new blanket. He didn't say anything really, just turned on my TV to old reruns and sat with me on the couch. I slept for thirteen hours and when I woke up, he was still there and I found myself curled tightly against his side. 

Watching Joshua’s freak flag fly, I guess I finally figured out why OC and Alec were always annoyed about the Logan thing. I had a people to protect. An entire nation of people who depended on me. A family of transgenics who needed me in top shape to help them fight the war that was coming. Meanwhile, I’d been pining away trying to find a cure that wasn’t going to save any of them. I wandered over towards the building that had once been a school. We used it as a daycare center where the various mothers would take shifts looking after the little ones while the others could help around the city. I guess the hope was that if they decided to bomb us, maybe they would see that it used to be a school and wouldn’t bother. Total, we had about 20 kids all under the age of 16 including Gem’s newest ‘littlest fella’’. I walked in and had to catch myself from falling when about half of the terrors launched themselves at me. Laughing, I scooped one of them up, a little girl named Truly who looked just like a human except she was a vibrant pink color, and walked over to the X5 keeping an eye on them for the day.  
“All good here?” I asked.  
I made a point to come check in on the kids at least once every couple of days. Not only did it show me caring about the children, it also built up a trust with the other transgenics. If their kids loved you, they would love you too. And of course, it didn't hurt that I loved them back. The current mother on duty nodded at me and I set to playing with the little ones. They calmed me down most days, which helped a lot when I couldn't get to high ground. The stupid space needle was well into the city of Seattle, and I couldn’t get to it.

Half an hour later found me back at the door to my apartment, but I could sense someone inside. I paused for a moment before identifying the scent. Another one of my transgenic skills that I’d left dormant for so long I had to relearn to use. It was Joshua, a smell a little like a dog with different spices from the kitchen mixed in. Joshua spent a good deal of his time helping out in the kitchen nowadays, whenever he wasn’t too busy trying to keep the leaders of Terminal City from falling apart. I pushed the door open easily, no one used locks here, we would all know if someone was going to break in anyway. Joshua turned and gave me a shy and concerned smile.  
“Hey, Little Fella’. I wanted to check on you…” he let himself trail off, probably sensing my weariness.  
“Hey Josh. I’m sorry I left the flag raising earlier, I just had to come to terms with a couple of things. How did the rest of it go?” I asked.  
“Alec got mad mad at Logan and Gem took littlest fella’ back in so littlest fella’ wouldn't wake up from loud voices. Alec wanted to know what Logan did now to upset you. Are you still upset?”  
“No, Josh, I’m not upset anymore, I’m just kind of sad. You remember how Cindy and Alec and even Sketchy have been trying to tell me that Logan might not be always very nice?” He nodded, “well, I finally figured out that maybe they’re right and now I don’t know what to do. But I really did love your flag, Joshua.”  
Joshua took the news better than I thought he would. He walked over to the couch and sat down, reaching out and pulling on my arm for me to join him.  
He sat thinking for a while before saying “I know it’s hard to find out someone is different than you thought they were, but I’m glad you are trying."  
I leaned into his furry shoulder and he pulled me into a tight hug.


	2. Stepping up

The next day at the morning meeting, I finally felt like I had my head on straight. I hadn’t slept the night before, par for the course, but I had spent my time thinking through what I needed to do next. I walked in with a newfound confidence to be the leader these people needed, even if what they really needed was someone like Zack. I’d just do the best I could, I did have his heart. Literally. I smiled to myself while we waited for everyone to get there. Gem, in charge of the school and kids; Dix and Luke, in charge of the tech and communications; Mole, in charge of whatever, sass maybe?; Joshua, in charge of kitchens; Alec and myself. When everyone had arrived, I started off the meeting. They must have felt my shift in command because the meeting, for once, went off without a hitch. Gem needed more paper and pens, crayons, that type of thing to keep the kids busy, but also she wanted to start actually teaching them. We were starting to run a little low in the kitchens according to Joshua, and Luke and Dix wanted a few new pieces of tech to try to help translate the runes that were showing up on my body. I had everyone draw up a list for Mole and Alec to put a team together for a supply run. 

I headed over to my office, right off the main room on the second floor where we had been having our meeting. I walked in only to find Logan waiting for me. I guess I knew it was coming. I just didn't want to have to deal with it. I told myself off for not checking the room before entering. Much as I was trying, it still wasn't a habit to feel it out for different emotions and scents before opening a door. But it needed to be if I was ever going to really be top soldier around here.  
“Hey” he said with the small smile.   
I knew my part. I was supposed to say hey back and look longingly at him. But I was done playing the part. I needed to be who I was, completely. Not just the parts of me he wanted to see.   
So instead, I took a breath and replied “what do you need?”   
He looked taken aback, and a little insulted that I hadn't played along for once.   
“What’s wrong, max?" He asked, coming towards me. I leaned back until my back hit the door, trying to stay out of his reach. He seemed to remember that he wasn’t wearing gloves and let his hand fall, taking a step back. I straightened and walked around to the desk, but remained standing.   
“Nothing is wrong, what do you need?” I repeated.   
He gave me an annoyed look and replied “I was hoping we could talk. Why did you run off from the flag yesterday?”   
I knew it was time, I just really didn’t feel like dealing with this.

I took in a fortifying breath and said “It’s over, Logan. Between me and you. Whatever was ever there in the first place is over, and you need to accept that.”   
He looked a little like he was five and I had just taken away his toy.   
“Yeah, I figured that out when you dumped me for Alec.” Came his bitter reply.   
Sighing, I said “Then start acting like it. Oh, and I will no longer be available for any Eyes Only missions that don’t directly impact the transgenics. My place is here, with them, and I need to fulfill my duty to them.”   
He looked a little sick, and a lot mad, and then suddenly, he shifted and I could feel the fury coming off of him.   
“With THEM?? They’re freaks, they’re nothing like you! What, you feel like just because Alec said so, you have to bend over backwards to obey? You don’t belong in here and you know it, Max. You have nothing in common with these people.”   
He was walking towards me as he spoke, and I was backing away. I hated the words coming out of his mouth, but I didn't want him to die if we accidentally touched again.   
He continued, “I know you have a rebel streak, so why are you just acting like Alec’s good little soldier? Huh? You’d be better off without him! Without any of them!” I stopped him but I could feel 452 coming in to take over for Max inside of me and I knew this was about to get ugly. I had a temper, sure, but no one could deliver like the soldier Manticore made that was a part of me just as much as the cherry gum popping Max

In a cold voice, I replied, “First of all, Alec and I are not together. We never were. I needed you to back off and you were all too ready to believe it. Second, you have a complete disregard for both my general safety and my life when you send me out on missions, and I will therefore no longer being assisting you. If you happen to come across something before Dix or Luke, a highly unlikely possibility, I will provide a team with our own plan on how to move forward on any information you provide to us. Lastly, I obey no one but myself and I will proceed only how I see fit.” I stared at him, face as blank as ever, and watched him stare at me in surprise. Never once, in all of his time knowing me had I ever acted the part of the soldier. Maybe that was part of the problem. He only knew pieces of me. I knew I was basically shouting, but I continued, “You do not have my permission to ever address me this way again. I want you out of terminal city. So BACK. OFF." I kept my face blank, but allowed my pent up anger and frustration at myself for how long it took me to stand up for myself to seep into my final words. 

The office door flew open, to reveal Alec standing there with Mole at his back, both looking ready for a fight. Alec took one look at me, the soldier 452 and Logan, looking at me as though I had hit him in the gut, and a smirk immediately showed up on his mouth. Mole just looked confused. It was Mole who broke the silence. “Well, well. Looks like we should step our security up a bit if this ordinary was able to get into our commander’s office so easily.” He stared at Logan, a look of disgust on his face, before turning to me. I saw a flicker of confusion as well as concern and was actually a little touched that maybe he was coming around on me being one of the good guys after all. My face still a blank mask, I turned to Mole. “I need this man escorted out of terminal city at once. He is not to be permitted reentry.” I heard Logan’s gasp of shock as Mole nodded once, accepting his orders. 

I walked out of the office, Alec on my heels as Mole pinned Logan with a look.   
“What the hell has gotten into you, Max?” Alec inquired.   
“I need all humans out of the city by morning. They have already stayed too long. The city is not good for them, but it would be worse for us if the government found out and decided to say we have hostages in here.”   
Alec kept looking at me like I’d finally lost my mind, but when he put a hand on my shoulder to stop me right as we exited headquarters, he looked more than a little worried.   
“Max, what’s up? I’m usually the one with the soldier attitude, remember?”   
He shifted from foot to foot, and I let my mask slip aside. His eyes quickly met mine as I did. I decided honesty was probably the best way forward and said, “I told Logan the truth, like you wanted me to. He didn’t take it well, and I didn’t appreciate what he had to say.”   
His eyes flared up and body tensed for a moment, “what exactly did he have to say?”   
I laughed, and he visibly relaxed, “I can’t tell you, it’ll make your ego even bigger than it already is.” I said, turning back towards my apartment, three boarded up and broken buildings down and to the left from headquarters. He fell into step beside me, and started begging to know before I distracted him by saying, “hey, why don’t we escort them back out of Terminal City. We could use a night off, and I bet everyone will be willing to meet up.” He looked over at me, surprised by this new development. “You can’t go out, Max, everyone will recognize you. And me too, probably.” “Don’t worry about that, Alec, Cindy and I got it covered. So, you in?” I watched him debate it in his head for a moment. “You gonna go without me if I say no?” He asked.   
“Yep.”   
“Okay, I’m in. One condition.”  
“What is it?”  
“You tell me what Logan said that pissed you off so much you turned back into a soldier.”   
He looked a little wary, like he might get hit for demanding it. And truth was, I considered hitting him. Instead, I put on a sweet smile that unnerved him even more.   
“Okay, Alec, you come and I’ll tell you everything you wanna know.”   
I winked at him as he stood there, staring blankly at me, and blurred up to my apartment before he could process what had just happened, hoping Cindy might be there.


	3. I dare you

I got lucky, and Cindy was waiting on the couch for me to get back from the meeting like she was most days. We would usually take time to talk and walk over to the building we had turned into a mess hall together. Today though, she took one look at my expression and said, “Spill.” I knew I was smiling and trying to force back a laugh.  
“I told Logan where to shove it, and I left Alec a little lost. I’m having a fun day.”  
“About time, girl! I’ve been waiting for you to see the light. So, I guess that means it’s time for us humans to get out of the city?”I looked down, the fun I’d been having replaced swiftly by the realization that I was about to not see her for a long, long time. “Yeah, but I was kinda hoping we could go out with a bang? Bricks tonight?”  
She brightened considerably at the suggestion. We’d talked for hours about how we could work it out that we could still hang out at night sometimes. The best plan? Colored wigs for me and a little washable hair dye for Alec along with some makeup over our barcodes, and losing our black and leather for something a little more lighthearted. These days, nothing yelled ‘transgenic, right over here!’ Louder than dark clothing, long hair, and trying to blend in. Bricks was a club in Seattle that had some darker lighting and was easy to blend into, and convenient enough to our tunnels to reasonably expect to hang there sometimes.  
“Yes! Yes yes yes! Finally, some good old fashioned fun! I’ll text Sketchy.”  
Sketchy was soon on his way over to Alec’s little apartment in Terminal City; right next to mine. We could hear them next door playing music as they had a few beers. We settled for talking as we got ready. Soon, I could barely recognize myself. Cindy had put me in a tight red mini skirt with an equally tight black lace top that barely reached my bellybutton. My hair was now an unnaturally red wig with blonde highlights, curled into long loose waves. I had to say, I didn’t look half bad. Cindy was in her trademark black pants and a blue top. With my girl at my side, I was ready to face the long walk out of terminal city with Logan. I brought it up to Cindy and we spent the next half hour coming up with the worst possible scenario of how Logan would react to seeing me dressed to go out like this right after I said I needed to be more serious. The conversation had to change when Cindy suggested he would topple over because he was too too turned on function, even with his bionic legs, and we fell into a fit of giggles at the image. Feeling a little mean for laughing so hard, we went into the hall at 9, as Alec and Sketchy were headed out of Alec’s room. Sketchy blanched when he saw us. We didn’t usually go all out, but hey if you’re going to do a disguise, do it right, right? Alec was a total mask almost as soon as he was out the door, but not before I caught a couple of emotions leaking through. They looked good too. I didn't like Alec’s hair being a dark brown. Something about it just put me off. Like he wasn't all himself, but knowing it would wash out made it better. His green eyes stood out even more with dark hair. He caught me looking and I hastily looked towards Cindy, but she was smirking at me too. Maybe I’d looked too long. Clearing my throat, I asked, “so do we have to pick up Logan before we can go?”  
Alec paused, looking at me for a moment as if he was trying to figure out why I was asking.  
“No, Mole decided to go ahead and follow that order immediately. Logan’s been out of terminal city since about twenty minutes after we left headquarters.” He watched me, seeming to look for my reaction, but I was relieved.  
“Oh thank god, I was NOT looking forward to that walk.” Cindy and I giggled together as we started down the hallway, and Alec seemed to approve of my response. Curious, I focused more attention on him, and felt his eyes on my back. When I tried, I could feel his satisfaction and excitement, mixed in with a little lust. I wasn’t disappointed. From Sketchy, I could feel a whole lot more lust and total excitement. It had been a while since we’d done anything fun like this. When I turned back to look at them, Alec’s eyes were on mine, and sketchy was practically bouncing. I could tell Alec knew I’d read their emotions, and he flashed me a smart aleck grin. Rolling my eyes, but unable to keep the smile from my lips, I turned back around. 

In no time at all, we were through the tunnels and into the city. Alec reached out and grabbed my hand as I was about to enter Bricks. “We’ll meet you inside” he said to Original Cindy and Sketchy when they paused and watched us curious as to why we had stopped. OC gave me look that I was certain Alec and Sketchy could not have missed, and I blushed, not entirely sure why. She grabbed sketchy and went inside.  
“What is it? We’re here to have a good time, remember?” I asked him, annoyed.  
“Sure, but you promised to tell me what Logan said that upset you if I came and here I am. With brown hair, and makeup on my neck. I don't really. Like the hair.” He had a self deprecating smile on his lips as he ran a hand through his hair, pulling the strands to make them stand up before letting them fall back into place. For a moment, I was frozen, unable to tear my gaze from his hand in his hair. It looked soft. I wondered what he’d do if it was my hand in his hair. The thought brought me back to earth and I shook myself, trying to focus on what it was he was saying now. This was happening to me more and more often. Over the last couple months, since I’d first met him, really, I kept finding myself having to make myself pay attention when he was around. It was damned distracting and I didn't really want to think about why. I had completely missed whatever it was he had said, so I went ahead and told him, hoping he hadn't asked me for something different.  
“Logan told me I should stop acting like your good little soldier. He accused me of obeying you and said that I didn't have anything in common with any of you and that I would be better off without you.” Alec reacted… poorly.  
“He said WHAT?” Alec demanded, eyes flashing to a dark and dangerous green.  
“Alec, I obviously didn't listen to him.” I had to bite back a smile as Alec was clearly not listening to me.  
“He told you you didn't have anything in common with us?! You ARE us. You’re one of us, we need you there! You can’t actually believe that shit! And as if you’d obey me!”  
I tried again, ignoring the affronted looks we were getting from other people trying to enter Bricks, “Alec, I DON’T believe him. That’s kind of the whole thing, remember? He’s gone and I’m still here and all that?”  
He kept going, ranting to the wall, not meeting my gaze, “You don’t obey me at all! You never do what I ask you to, you just go with your gut! Now, granted your gut is most often right, but I’m still the one with more training from Manticore about how to proceed in any and all situations and he thinks you obey ME??”  
I put my hand on his arm, letting out the laugh, “Alec, it doesn't really matter what he said.”  
He finally looked at me, anger still evident with an underlying frantic hurt, and I pressed again, “I told him to leave, remember? I told him to get out and I stayed. I didn't agree with what he said either. So it doesn't really matter. Okay?”  
His emotions settled on hurt so quickly I felt my head spin. I was getting better about tuning into other people’s emotions, especially his, but they still had a pretty profound impact on my feelings when I did. We watched each other for a moment before he let out in a quick huff of breath, “But he said you’d be better off without me.”  
It took me a second to catch up. That was what he was caught up on?  
“Yes, he did.”  
Alec winced slightly, obviously trying not to let the mask slam down over whatever it was he was thinking and feeling. “Do you think so?”  
I looked at him like he had a crab crawling out of his nose, “do I think I would be better off without you?”  
He looked down, but nodded.  
“No, Alec, you absolute moron. I’d be completely lost in the sea of everything without you there to keep me grounded.” He finally looked up at me, a confused look in his hazel eyes. I waited for his reaction. He seemed to be about to say something real and profound, before the smirk came back into its place.  
“So he thinks you’re my good little soldier, huh?” I rolled my eyes at him and went in the door, not needing to check to see if he was following me or not. He snickered as we looked around and I spotted Cindy up on the platform above the main dance floor. We went up to where they had claimed the least beat up pool table. Sketchy ordered us a pitcher of beer, and the night was on. 

Honestly, I had forgotten how good it felt to just be another girl at the bar. It was freeing. It was wonderful. I turned heads with my black and red. I forgot that I was supposed to have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I played Alec in pool, which was no fun because whoever broke always won. So we sat back and watched Sketchy and OC play, which was better because they were crazy competitive. I had a light buzz going and my mind was comfortably warm and fuzzy when Alec came over after laughing with Sketch about something. He leaned against the rail next to me, and I felt his arm brush mine. Leaning into the contact instead of away for once, he let me rest on his shoulder. We stood like that in a comfortable silence for a while, as Sketch and OC both tried to cheat the game by moving around the balls when the other was distracted, lazy smiles on both of our faces.  
“You know, I like you better as a brunette.” Alec said quietly. His gaze never leaving the antics of our friends.  
“I like you better as a dirty blonde.” I replied. His smile quirked up into place at my response and he said, “you know, we could play pool if we made it a bit more interesting.”  
“How’s that?”  
“Strip pool.” He said so matter of factly that I had to laugh.  
“Never heard of it.” He finally turned to face me, a mischievous look on his face.  
“It’s easy. You take off an item of clothing every time you win instead of every time you lose.” He looked cool and confident, but I could feel his jittery nerves underneath the surface and wondered what they were about. “I’d rather dance.” I said, smirk never leaving my mouth.  
Cindy overheard me, right as she and Sketch were finishing their game and she shouted over the music, “I’m in! Let’s go!” She grabbed my hand and pulled me away from Alec, who looked a bit disappointed. But the DJ was playing some great music, and Cindy and I did love to dance together. It never once failed to make a scene. The four of us joined the pressing mass of patrons on the lower dance floor, and we were quickly moving to the music. I was out of Manticore before proper dance lessons were enforced. I got all the training for tracking, evading, escaping, assassination, and a million other things, sure, but I’d never learned to dance. Instead, I had picked it up from the bars and clubs I’d been sneaking into since I was thirteen. As such, my dance moves were a little more practiced than they were perfected. A mix of martial arts moves with whatever I had seen and liked when I watched other patrons dance. Cindy and I quickly had a little circle around us as men moved back to watch appreciatively. That’s the thing about being on the run all the time. I’d been on the run since Manticore, so I’d learned to love anonymous attention. These people had no idea who I was, or why I was there. To them I was just some random girl who had perfect features by luck, not by test tube. And that feeling was a rush. To be able to be in the spotlight without feeling like I needed to run and hide was liberating. Cindy just liked to dance. And she liked it better when she spotted a pretty honey looking her way, as she did now. She motioned for the girl to join her, and soon the blonde was wrapped around Cindy provocatively. The only problem with her inviting people to join? That left me on the out, still dancing on my own happily, but it made it seem like it was ok to dance with me too. Two guys bold enough came out from the crowd and made their way over. Foxy Brown’s ‘Candy’ pulsing in the background as I moved. I noticed them in the way that I always did. They could dance, sure, and again, attention like that was great. They’d never even know my name. I paid more attention to the song lyrics causing the bass to vibrate through the floor and everyone inside Bricks, “Bad little sista; not bad meaning bad but bad meaning good - DAM I'm so-”  
Suddenly, hands were around my waist, and I spun, a snarl on my lips to tell whichever one it was hands off, but it I was met with a low growl and green eyes and the demand never came out. Alec was shooting daggers at the two guys who’d come out to dance with me. And I'd had just enough to be feeling a little frisky. If Alec wanted to play predator, who was I to stop him? I didn’t stop dancing, I just started to dance with him instead as the song sang, “Now how bad you wanna know if I'm sweeter then candy? What would you risk?” The green eyes stopped glaring at the two guys as they danced their way over to someone a little less hovered over, and I put my hands around Alec’s neck as I kept twisting to the song. His eyes swiveled towards mine in surprise, mouth making a little ‘o’ as I spun around, my back against his chest, still moving to the music, fingers trailing down his neck as he finally got with the program and started dancing with me.  
Cindy and Sketchy came over and joined us a moment later, but not before I heard a low moan from Alex and turned back to face him to see the fierce look in his eyes. His pupils wide as I felt the still fresh surge of protectiveness in him, along with something a little deeper. More possessive. I shivered against his touch as the four of us continued to dance. I was more than a little surprised that I was able to lock down his emotions at all with all these people in here crowded up against each other, alcohol making them feel things to a greater degree than normal. I put it down to how much time I’d spent with Alec lately, because of course it would be easier to feel the people you knew best and pushed the thought that I couldn't lock down Cindy or Sketchy’s feelings from my mind. Many drinks and several hours later saw us lined up at the bar, me pressed comfortably between OC and Alec as someone shouted “last call!” I noticed through the alcohol haze in my mind that Alec had two fingers on my bare waist and was moving them back and forth in a way that I liked as he leaned down and said “Sure I can’t convince you to play pool with me some more, Maxie? Even if I dare you?” I could feel his hot breath on my neck and it made me arch to meet him, but I held it back before I could press against him and hit him on the shoulder for the suggestion anyway. He’d seen my reaction though, so he just grinned as I turned back to OC and Sketch and said that we should probably get back to Terminal City sometime before dawn.


	4. You and me against the world

Alec was quiet for once as we headed home back through the tunnels. I was comfortable in the silence with him, but it felt like maybe he had something on his mind. When we were over halfway there, I gave in and asked him what was up.  
“Nothing, I’m just thinking over things, that’s all.” He replied with a small smile to let me know things really were okay.  
“But you’re good? We’re good?” I asked  
“Yeah, always.”  
I was just relieved he hadn’t said we’re ‘always alright’ because that’s how I could tell he was lying. We trudged forward, and when we finally came to the entrance to our apartments, he spoke.  
“Tonight was fun, Maxie. We should make sure to do it again soon. You don’t smile like that much anymore.” He said shyly.  
I was surprised to hear him say it aloud, but his face was sincere. Maybe Manticore did have classes on how to express yourself and what you wanted after all.  
“It’s all the responsibility. It just gets to me sometimes, you know?” I said with a shrug.  
“Of course. But that’s what you have the rest of us for. To delegate some of it so it doesn’t all have to be on you all the time.”  
He gave a timid smile, but I couldn’t bring myself to return it so I just nodded and waited for him to continue.  
“I think you’re really making a difference though. They need a leader. Someone who knows how humans think and isn't afraid to take whatever steps forward that need to happen. You give them someone to depend on, you know?”  
I nodded again before saying, “Yeah, but I know you’re right, I should delegate more to the rest of you. It just feels like it’s you and me against the world sometimes though. Like sure, we’ve got Dix and Luke, Joshua and Mole, but it kinda feels like it comes down on our shoulders most days.”  
Yikes, I must have had more than I thought to drink. I’d never admit something like that aloud, would I?  
He leaned against the wall. “Yeah, well, we are the only X-5 in that grouping. So maybe it helps just a little that we look mostly normal.”  
“Mostly normal? We were made to be entirely human in appearance though weren't we?”  
“Sure,” he said, nodding, “and for the most part we succeed. But we still maintain a few things from our animal DNA. Not just the heat from cats or no sleeping from sharks. But physical things too. Our fingerprints are always changing, which is why it’s nearly impossible to get a print off of our jobs. They do that so that we can better feel our environment.” I nodded along, I had noticed that before, and it had really come in handy on heists gone wrong, “A lot of what we pick up is through touch, or vibrations, so we have interesting patterns on our fingers and palms to assist. Our eyesight is much better than the average person, and when we focus, our pupils get a little more slitted like a cat’s. Our hearing is very impressive, and our ears are usually a little wider in the ear canal to pick up more sound. And then there’s the way we scent things, actually through our tongue to ‘taste’ our environment. We look almost perfect, because they designed us to be that way, but if you pay attention you’ll notice a few of these slight variations.”  
I’d never noticed most of them before, and he must have picked up on the fact that it was news to me because he continued, “the specifics of how we were enhanced was taught in Manticore when we were about to hit our equivalent of puberty.”  
Made sense to me. I’d known I’d missed some lessons.  
“What else did they teach after we left?”  
“Ballroom dancing, how to blend into any environment, how to create connections with other people, new technology. Otherwise, it was just more of the same. Except for the twins, as you know.”  
I winced. Yeah, I knew all right. But something was bugging me a little.  
“So if you received more training than I did, how is it I was able to kick your ass?”  
“I let you.” He replied seriously.  
I gasped. I could see him giving me a know it all smirk, but I didn't want to believe it.  
“Did you really?”  
He took pity on me, and came clean, “nah. I mean I could have made an epic comeback, but you have the advantage on most of us, believe it or not. We were trained, and some, if not most, of us were deployed for missions. But there is a big difference in training or fighting on missions using moves you learned and living it daily and having to fight dirty. We may have the training, but you have the experience. Don’t ask me to admit that in front of anyone else though.” He finished with a wink.  
“So you really think I’m the right choice to lead us in this?” I wasn't sure what made me ask. Everything was topsy turvy and upside down and I wasn't sure anything made sense anymore. And Alec and I were talking about things way outside both of our comfort zones anyway.  
“Yeah, max” he said with a soft smile, “I think you’ll be great.”  
“Good. Because I want you as my second in command.”  
I’d caught him off guard, and his eyes went wide. “What? Are you sure? I mean yeah, of course.” He choked out.  
“Yeah, like I said, it’s me and you against the world. ‘Night, Alec.” I left him standing in the hallway once again trying to figure me out.  
I silently wished him luck. I’d never figured me out myself, so I wasn't gonna hold my breath that he could, but I still wished him luck.

~~~~~~~~~~

Sleep came that night. About time too, I hadn’t slept in days. Of course, things had been going crazy since the whole jam pony incident. But I slept like a baby, and woke up in a rush, way late for the meeting with banging on my door. I opened it to Mole.  
“Morning” I mumbled.  
“You missed the meeting. You planning on sleeping in all day?”  
“No” I grumbled as I swept my hair back, trying to make it stop sticking up.  
He pushed his way into my little studio apartment, if you could even call it that. It had a little sitting area right in from the door, with a tiny bedroom off to the right of that room. A bath on the left of the bed.  
“Come right on in then I guess.”  
He propped himself up on the couch, and looked like he was prepared to stay.  
“What do you need, mole?”  
“I need you to take a shower, and hopefully brush your teeth.” He winced, “I’ll fill you in while you’re getting ready.”  
He met my gaze levelly, no room for argument.  
“Fine. No peeking.” I replied with a short glare to tell him I meant business.  
“You’re too pale for me anyway.” He joked back  
“So what did I miss that’s so important to get me a private visit? Sorry I overslept.” I said as I moved towards the bathroom.  
“We need to get on those supply runs today. I know you and Alec went out last night, and we had our own little party in headquarters. It was good to have a night off, honestly, but we need to get back to it. I wanted to send Dalton and maybe another kid out for the mission. I know, I know, they’re a little young, but I think they gotta learn what’s out there sooner rather than later, and their faces aren't plastered all over yet.”  
“You’re right, but I don't like it. Send Marrow with them. He can keep to the van unless shit hits the fan. It’ll be good to involve him in this. The other anomalies are feeling a little left out, and this way we can show they’re useful and needed. And Dalton will have some backup, yeah?” I said.  
He grunted, “Good move. Smart. I’ll have them go out this afternoon. Two kids out in broad daylight will be less suspicious than at night.”  
“Sounds good.”  
There was silence while I finished my shower, rinsing out my hair in the tepid water.  
“Max, I gotta ask, you heard anything from the other X5’s? Your…siblings I mean?”  
“No, no word yet. But Jondy, Krit, Syl, Brin and Zane are all out there somewhere. Maybe they’ll hear what we’re up to on the news and come.”  
“I doubt it. They were trained to stay low. Keep out of sight and out of mind. They won’t come unless they have to. But I was hoping they might at least have contacted you. It would be nice to have some insight into what they’re seeing outside of our walls.”  
I tried to ignore the drop in my gut at his words. I desperately missed my siblings. But after everything, I figured maybe Zack was right. When we came together, we lost a little bit of ourselves. And not everyone always survived it. I winced when I thought of it.  
“Zane will come if he can. He and I were way too alike for him not to show. Krit and Syl will keep to themselves, and I bet Brin and Jondy have hooked up by now. They could pass as real sisters, and they’ll want someone at their backs. But Zane will come.” I said firmly. I had to hold onto that. At least one of my siblings would come for me. I was sure of it. Zack was out there too, but I tried not to focus on that too much. I worried about all the media attention we were getting and the pictures of me on tv. If one of them jarred his memory, we could be in for a hell of a lot of trouble. I came out fully dressed, and sat with mole on my worn down purple couch.  
“Zane is one of your brothers I take it? He look like Alec too?”  
“No” I laughed out loud at the thought of wild haired Zane looking like Alec or Ben. “Zane looks like a model too, sure, but he has wavy brown hair and brown eyes like mine, just a couple shades lighter so they almost look gold in the right light. He’s bulkier than Alec. We used to say he had elephant DNA because he could pick up the slightest vibration of movement from far away. And he never would forget anything either. He was a little sensitive about his big ears, but I bet he’s grown into them by now.”  
“I keep being surprised at how well you 09’ers knew each other.”  
This was dangerous territory, I knew, but I wanted Mole to understand.  
“Yeah, we were Lydecker’s own personal experiment. A controlled group of soldiers who were raised together in a family unit. But we backfired, hard. All he got was soldiers whose main objective was to keep each other safe, not complete the mission.”  
I watched Mole’s reaction carefully, and he seemed to take the news in stride. Everyone knew about our escape. Of course they did, they’d all been punished for it. I continued, “We didn’t even know about the fact that we had twins. We didn’t really know that there was anyone else in Manticore other than us twelve. All we knew was that our family was dying. I know you knew about the escape but do you know why we did it?”  
“No” he replied, “But it think I’d like to.” He was paying rapt attention, and I knew he was filing it away as information he may repeat later but I continued anyway.  
“I snuck out into the hall one night, after they’d taken Jack away because he was having seizures. I saw him, dead on the table. They were cutting him into bits and Lydecker was just sipping his coffee, no big deal.” Mole narrowed his eyes slightly, “When I started to shake from a seizure soon after, Zack made the decision to get us out. He knew if they saw me in that state they’d take me too. When we made our move, Lydecker caught up to us and killed my sister Eva when she picked up a gun. It’s why I hate guns so much. I could barely stand, and they mostly carried me out. Zack insisted we split up once we were outside. It saved all of our lives, but we never found each other again. At least not until a couple of years ago. Turned out Zack was keeping tabs on everyone. Keeping us safe.”  
“Zack was the commanding officer of the unit?” Mole asked.  
“He was supposed to be. He was mostly just our big brother. We all owe him everything.”  
“Where is he now?”  
I didn’t answer. How could I? The whole thing was wrong, and I missed Zack every single day. Mole got the point that I wasn’t planning on going down that particular road of conversation right then, and moved on.  
“Well I guess that changes things, huh? I always figured you just got a better offer somewhere else and decided to leave.” He said with a slight chuckle.  
“Not exactly. We lost everything that night. But none of us would have gone back to manticore. I’m not sure about the rest of them, but I ended up in the foster care system, just trying to assimilate like we were taught to do. I did ok until I was 16, when I ran away. Came across Original Cindy who got me a good job and offered me a place to crash. I got my freedom in ’09 but I've been running ever since.”I finished.  
“Why didn’t you tell us before? I mean why have you never said why you and your unit left? I think it will probably change some opinions about you for people to know the reason.” He inquired.  
“It’s not anybody else’s business but mine. I didn't see the point. If the others want to follow me, great. If not, theres nothing I can do about that and I’m not going to waste my breath telling them a sob story to try to get them to understand.” I said with a flip of my hair. “Now come on” I stood up, “I’m starving.” I kept walking. I got my back up every time I had to talk about that day. I wanted Mole to understand, if he could, but that didn’t make it any easier to remember. But it was no good to have people in command who didn't understand or respect me. If he told the rest of the transgenics, well, alright. 

We came out of the building and ran into Ralph and Zero.  
“Ralph?! Zero?! What the hell? When did you get here?” I asked, rushing out to hug Ralph.  
Zero replied, a wide grin spreading, “we saw what was happening on the news and knew you would be in the middle of it. We’re actually all back. We wanted to help however we could. It’s good to see you again, Ma’am.”  
“I thought I told you to quit it with that Ma’am stuff. The name’s Max.” I replied with a quick laugh as I released Ralph and pulled Zero in for a hug too. Pulling away I said, “This is Mole. He’s part of command. Helping to get this place up and running.”  
I stepped back, and they shook hands with Mole who said, “you must be the X6’s. We’ve been wondering if you’d come back.”  
The four of us continued outside, catching one another up on the recent activity both in and out of Terminal City.  
As we got closer to the mess hall, I heard Luke calling out to me.  
“Max! Hey! I was hoping I’d find you quickly. Logan’s on the video screen. He says he has information for you and won’t talk to anyone else.”  
Luke looked panicked, like he didn’t really want to have to be the one to tell me that my newly ex boyfriend was trying to force me into a conversation. Hey, who could blame him? I rolled my eyes, “Fine, I’ll be right there. Thanks for letting me know, Luke.”  
Turning back to the others, I said, “Mole, show them where the mess hall is, would you?”  
Mole was studying me carefully. Of course, he knew that I’d kicked Logan out, but maybe he was worried about my track record of forgiving him.  
“Sure,” Mole replied, “you sure you don't want backup in that conversation though?”  
I blinked, “Actually, yeah, that would be great.” Surprised, he nodded and cleared his throat, “Right then. Ralph, you go with Max, make sure Logan doesn't step out of line. C’mon, Zero, I’ll show you where the food is.” He nodded once before stiffly turning and walking away.  
Hmm, maybe he did care after all. Ralph asked, “Is this the same Logan as before? The one who got us the papers?” I nodded, “Yeah, but it’s messier now. He and I dated and it’s over as of like two days ago, so this may be a little awkward.”  
She gave me a wide grin, “Hey, what are friends for? Let’s go talk to the ex!” 

Once we were in headquarters, Dix pointed us over to the big screen. Everyone in the main room on the second floor would be able to overhear us and see our conversation, but it would probably be better that way to keep it public and short. I could see Alec in his office, next to mine, talking with Joshua. Luke and Dix turned back to their computers, trying to find a good place to hit for new tech. Logan visibly pulled back when he saw me walk into the room. “Max.” He said gruffly, “I’ve got some news on your brother I thought you might be interested in.”  
“Which brother?”  
“Zane. He’s in danger, but I’m going to need you to do something for me before I’m really willing to give you all the information.”  
I glanced over at Ralph who was looking at Logan like he was very probably criminally insane for trying to make me do something to get info on my family. She was probably right. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Alec stand up and walk into the room, Josh at his heels. Luke and Dix both turned towards me, shock evident on their faces.  
“This doesn’t work that way. You tell me what you know, and if you need help with something, we can see what we can do for you.” I retorted through clenched teeth. The fastest way to piss me off was to involve my family. Didn't he know that by now?  
“I’ll give you half the information now, half when you complete the task I need.” He was really testing the waters here. Ralph took in a sharp breath.  
“Fine, I’ll hear you out, but no promises.” He kept grimacing, like talking to me hurt him psychically, but I figured he wouldn't be here without a real reason. Then he said the one thing that would make me do whatever it took for the second half of the information.  
“Zane is in danger. I have him in a secure location, which I will tell you when you get me what I need.”  
For a moment, I saw red. Was this guy really telling me he had my brother as a hostage?  
Ralph blurted out, “Are you shitting me?”  
Logan continued, “He came here looking for you; apparently this is where Zack told him to look first. Now, here’s what I need you to do.” Logan started breaking down what he wanted, but I couldn't move yet. Zane was in Seattle. Zane had come back for me. He must have seen us all on TV and wanted to help. But Logan had him. Has him. Where?  
I interrupted Logan’s rant, “Where the hell is he, Logan?” I demanded in a low voice.  
I could feel the mood in the room shift, as all eyes locked on me, the soldier, 452. Logan hesitated before trying to continue. Once again, I interrupted, “I asked you a question.”  
He stuttered, and said, “like I told you, you’ll get him when I have what I need. I just need you to help me get these papers, and I’ll tell you no problem.”  
My eyes narrowed as I took in a deep breath, trying to maintain my composure, “So, just so I have this straight. You have my brother in your custody and you will not give him to me until I complete your little task?” I was proud that I managed to ask in a slow and steady voice.  
“Well, yes, but it’s not like that.” He paused, “I just need help getting some information. I get my info, you get yours.” But his voice was less confident now.  
My head cocked to the side as my fist landed on my hip, “Using my brother as a hostage has to be the dumbest thing you have ever done. How are you planning to keep him from just leaving anyway?” I asked, voice dipped in venom.  
“Zane is currently in a safe house, kept unconscious by a drug through an IV. He will remain there until you get me what I need.” He hesitated before saying, “Come on, Max, you make it sound like I’m a villain in a story book. The papers are for eyes only. They’ll do a lot of good in the world, help a lot of people. Remember when that still mattered to you?”  
I couldn't believe my ears. Was he really still expecting me to be on his save the world one weakling at a time team?  
“Sure, I remember. I just don't remember you holding my brother over my head before.”  
I disconnected the call. Headquarters was completely silent. No one moved a muscle. Ralph was the one to break it, “What are your orders, Max?” It took me a moment to collect my thoughts and turn to face her, and Alec beat me to it.  
“Dix, Luke, start looking into Logan’s computer.” He ordered, “Hack it and find out everything that’s happened on it in the last 72 hours. Even the smallest piece of information might help. Ralph, go get Mole. We’ll need his help coming up with a plan. Have him call Logan back and figure out exactly what it is he wanted us to do.” Dix, Luke and Ralph all jumped to the tasks assigned to them at once. I waited for Alec to tell me what I needed to do, but he surprised me by saying, “Josh, you and Max come with me.”  
He led us up the stairs to the third floor where we had set up a small meeting space. 

“Max, you okay?” Joshua asked me as we sat down.  
Meeting his eyes I said, “Logan thinks he is doing what is best for the general public, I get that. He’d do anything to protect the civilians, so it must be something big that he thinks he’s got an ear on. that’s the only reason I can think of to go to such measures to get us to help him. Knowing him, he probably doesn't even know what safe house Zane has been put in, just as an added precaution. I doubt Dix will be able to find anything on his computer other than maybe a money transfer that will be a dead end. We’re going to have to do whatever it is he wants. I just can't believe he’d do something like this to make us help him out.” I knew there was a fire in my eyes, I was so mad I could have spit. Who the hell did he think he was, anyhow? Just then Ralph came in with Mole.  
“So, I’ve been told the Ordinary just made things more interesting.” Mole said cautiously.  
“He has Zane.” I replied, trying to keep the anger out of my tone.  
“I called him back.” Mole proceeded, “He wants us to get a hard copy of proof that the governor has a hand in the invention of the drones that hunt based off a picture. He says that there is physical evidence in form of hand written letters located in a warehouse just outside the city on the waterfront. No cameras, little security, but he wants the best on the job because this could bring a lot of big names down with it and he can’t afford it to be messed up. Says he needs it done tonight.” Alec’s eyes met mine, and I nodded once. Him and me against the world, right? The next several hours were a flurry of activity. As expected, there was nothing on Logan’s computer that could give us Zane’s location. All we could do was prepare for the mission.


	5. Harder Days

“Psst! Alec!” I only half whispered. At this point, I felt I was doing a good job just by not yelling. “Alec! Where are you?” I fumbled my way halfway through the dark room before real panic started to set in. Sure, I could see in the dark pretty well, but this was dark even for me. This mission to get Logan’s info was incredibly straightforward. Only an idiot could mess it up. Empty warehouse, little security, no cameras. So, naturally, here we were with it having gone sideways. I stopped trying to search and half whisper for him, and realized I probably should have just gone with trying to scent him in the first place. Lifting my nose into the air slightly, I breathed deeply and almost keeled over. Blood. Alec’s blood; I could smell it everywhere. He’d lost a lot. I tried to reign the panic further in, and gave in to the instinct, knowing letting myself be the soldier would be the best way to help right now. Breathing in again, I tried to narrow down where he was in the building. My hearing picked up soft breathing, 20 feet NW from me, around several large shelving units all packed with various electronics. Keeping low, I made my way over to him. He was on the ground, half propped up against the wall with blood all over his gray t-shirt, his Kevlar vest thrown to the side the minute the last bad guy hit the floor. I ran the last few feet to him.  
“Alec, damn it, you’re supposed to evade bullets, not take them all” I grumbled as I tried to apply pressure to his wound. He was wincing with pain, and for once he didn't have anything witty to say. He’d taken a bullet in the shoulder and by the looks of it, it had hit bone and torn it all to hell. He’d be fine, but he needed medical attention pronto, and we were about an hour out of Terminal City.  
“Lucky for you, I was the best field medic in my unit.” I told him. He chuckled and said, “too bad this mission was so easy.”  
Rolling my eyes, I asked, “How did you manage to get shot? There were only three of them!”  
“I lost concentration and he was faster than I gave him credit for” Alec admitted, eyes down.  
“You lost concentration? Are you joking? How hard is it to focus on the man with the gun pointed at you?” I asked incredulously.  
Damn Eyes Only and his freakin missions. We shouldn't even BE here, but Logan had insisted that until we completed the job, he wouldn't tell me anything about Zane. I was still pissed about it, and honestly, I was having to fight the urge to go over to Logan’s stupid apartment and beat it out of him. My anger must have shown in my tone of voice, because Alec said, “I’m sorry Max, I messed up. I only looked away for a second I swear.”  
I softened, “Alec, I’m not mad at you, I’m just mad that we’re here in the first place. But also, yeah, you’re a dumbass for getting shot.”  
He gave me a smile replying, “yeah, I know. Did you get the papers?” I nodded, “well, then it was worth it for me to be the distraction.” He said with a sharp grin.  
Ignoring him, I finished patching up his shoulder, and pulled him to his feet by his uninjured right arm. Suddenly, he was standing very close to me, looking right into my eyes. I could feel the heat coming from him after the exertion of the mission. The moment dragged on, neither of us pulling away like we usually would. His breath hit my cheek, daring me to look up at him. He pulled back first, ending the moment. Both of us were breathing hard, and I cleared my throat and said, “well, let’s try to get you home then.”  
His head jerked to look at me, hope in his eyes, “Home?”  
“Yeah, Alec, it’s home for us. I hope it’s not just a home for now. I want to be able to stay in the sunlight in one place forever. TC would work.”  
He gave me his trademark smirk, “I like that. Home. I’ve never had a real one before.”  
“Now you do.”  
Grinning at one another, we moved together as he threw his good arm around my shoulder, heading home.

~~~~~~

Headquarters was in a panic when we got back. Everyone was in a tight circle around someone in the front of the room. I heard Mole shout, “You’ve got no right to be here, Ordinary! You got kicked out of this city! Kicked out means stay out!” Ralph was in full rant mode, “So then you go and drop that little bomb on us and after you do what? Actually convince them to let you pick up your stinking papers here? You wanna get yourself killed or something?” Dix and Luke were shouting, hands in the air, but they seemed to be having fun with the chaos of the situation rather than actually being angry. Joshua was the only one off to the side, looking upset. I heard him mumble, “little fella’ going to be angry again.” I sighed to myself, it had to be Logan. Showing up where he was least wanted. I wanted to hand him the papers and just go take a nap. I only wished the virus was gone so I could kick his ass for what he did, and for sending us in there for Alec to get hurt over a couple of pieces of paper. Mole shifted slightly left, and Alec and I were able to see Logan, standing with a stiff back, unwilling to back down. Before I could speak, Alec blurred over to him and threw him against the wall, a look of rage flashing across his features before it settled into the manticore mask.  
“What do you think you are doing?” Logan demanded.  
“Guess I’m just a little tired of getting dragged in on missions for you.” Alec retorted.  
Alec pulled him up a couple of inches so that he stood on his toes. Even wounded, Alec was still incredibly strong. It was easy to forget with his usual happy, go- lucky attitude. The thought shocked me into action, and I blurred forward to put a hand on Alec’s arm.  
“Alec,” I began with a no-nonsense edge to my tone, “why don't you put the nasty man down and we will see if we can make him leave quickly before you strangle him. If he pisses us off, you can be first in line to kill him, hmm?” There was ice in my voice by the end of my sentence, and disgust written all over my face. Alec’s demeanor didn’t change, but he lowered Logan to the floor.  
“Logan,” I continued in the same tone, “I know we agreed you could come for the pick up but you were supposed to wait for us to get back before showing up in our city.”  
Logan looked annoyed but said, “I’m here for my information. I need it by nightfall. Do you have it?”  
“Yes, we do. Your stupid mission got my second in command shot. Where is Zane?”  
“Your what?” He blanched, “You made Alec your what?”  
“My second in command. Where is my brother?”  
“But you're supposed to hate Alec! You think he can't do anything right! HE’S who you chose to have your back?” Alec’s muscles tensed ever so slightly at the words, so slightly that I was almost certain that I was the only one in the room close enough to notice.  
My gaze never left Logan as I replied, “Obviously, Alec is the only person I would want watching my back, or I would not have asked him to fill the role.” Alec relaxed, “Where is my brother? Do not make me ask again.”  
Logan seemed to take a moment with this new development. Finally, “Zane is located at 335 Waterstreet, on the North side of town. Now where are my papers?”  
I turned away, motioning to Dix and Mole. “Mole, put together a team of at least ten. I want Gem and Albi on it. Gem has the most experience, and Albi may be made for cold weather, but he’s damn good in a pinch. Dix, get the location up on a map and gather whatever the team may need. I want Zane here in two hours.” They moved the second I was done speaking, a byproduct of being good soldiers and also of recognizing the tension of the situation. I figured they could probably put together how poorly it would go if my brother didn't make it to Terminal City in one piece.  
“My papers, Max” Logan pushed, still held against the wall.  
“Alec, let him go.” Alec gave me an incredulous look, but did as I asked.  
I walked slowly towards Logan, pulling his papers out as I went. He had the good sense to back away, but I kept coming. Mole and Dix paused in their tasks to watch my progress. Soon, I had him trapped like a mouse in the corner.  
“Max, don’t touch me… I know you don't want my death on your conscious. Just give me what I need and I'll be out of your hair.”  
My eyes flashed. I didn't bother flipping my hair away, or putting my hand on my hip. This wasn't attitude, and I didn't want it to come across as it. This was a straight up threat to his wellbeing.  
“How dare you?” I asked. He didn't answer, but that was fine. It was a rhetorical question anyway.  
“You show up in my home, hours after informing me that you are holding my brother hostage, and you have the gall to assume you’ll leave with your life?”  
Now, he looked scared. I knew I was laying it on thick, but I was pissed. And I wanted him to know it.  
“Let me spell this out for you.” I said slowly, “Sure, you and I, maybe we had a moment. Once. A long ass time ago. But well before this virus took place, I was saying we weren’t like that. Even when we had a temporary cure, I stopped you. Because yeah, I absolutely wanted to be a normal girl with a normal guy, but even then, deep down in my gut I knew it wasn't there. Not really. Not for us. So listen up, because I’m done with this and apparently I didn’t make myself clear last time we talked. You are no longer welcome here or anywhere near any of us transgenics. The second you walk out of the city, everyone will have orders to shoot you on site if you reenter.” Sure, I was being harsh, but I really couldn't bring myself to care, and I definitely couldn't stop, “And the next time you threaten someone I love, I will deal with you myself.” His mouth fell open, my eyes flashing fire, “I was dumb enough to think better of you for about two years, but I’ve wizened up. You can take your papers, because we aren't the kind of people who lie and cheat and steal and keep people locked in a basement just to get what we want. We made a deal, and we’ll stick to it. But this is the last deal we will ever make. From this moment forward, you are the enemy. And we both know what happens to the enemy, don’t we Logan?”  
I recalled the time way back when where Ben was still alive, and Logan had just found out that I was a soldier. Not in the happy way he’d been pretending, but in the I'd murdered someone way. He’d thought that I didn't know he’d called Lydecker in when everything went down with Ben, but I knew. I knew he’d gotten the pictures of me too. I knew about every time he let a situation get out of hand, just to call me when it was convenient or he needed something. He’d seen what I could do when threatened. I hoped he would think long and hard about what I would do to him if he threatened me again.  
Logan nodded once, took the papers from my hand, and slipped past me without a word. His face was chalk white as he stalked out the door, and hopefully out of TC forever.

I watched him go, sadness mixed with bitter regret crawling its way up my chest. He’d been such a big part of my life, and a part of me couldn't help but wonder how we had come to this, but I knew.  
At the end of the long hard day, I was a soldier with human habits and human emotions, and he was a scared rich kid hiding behind a camera, wanting to change the world but too scared to do what it would take to get there.

Turning to face the rest of my command, I knew they were waiting for my directions. “Dix, Luke, get back to it. Mole, find me when there’s a team put together.” Joshua looked on sadly, and I realized he had been right. I was furious, and I was losing my composure because there was too much sadness mixed with the anger.

I managed to walk like a normal person back to my office, but when the door shut behind me I couldn't breathe. I sat down just inside the door and pressed my back hard against the wall. Taking in shuddering breaths, I began to shake. I couldn't be everything. I couldn't be the girl who wanted to smile and go out and have a drink with her girlfriends, but I couldn't be the soldier who ordered a man shot on sight just because he was a massive pain in the ass. Neither one really felt like me anymore. Maybe I was too damaged, too far gone for either persona to fit. I really needed to figure this bitch out before I turned into a multi personality head case who couldn't go outside. I wanted to be normal, and human and not have to worry, but I had responsibilities to people who deserved better than me, but I was all they had. And I wanted to be that for them, I did, but maybe I’d gone soft throughout my time outside of Manticore. I wasn't a stone cold killer, and maybe I’d need to be before all of this was over. For now, I needed to remember to breathe. In through the nose, 8, 9, 10, out through the mouth, 8, 9, 10. In through the nose, out through the mouth. In and out, in and out, in and out. 

I’d had my first panic attack just barely a week after we escaped. I was still on my own, rummaging in trash bins for food, living in the woods next to a stream. I started thinking about my brothers and sisters and how they might have all been caught, or even killed and I froze up. I relived the moment I lost Zack in those woods on repeat. I curled into a ball on the snow covered ground, and rocked myself back and forth until it passed. It was like the seizures, but without any cure. Sometimes breathing helped, sometimes it didn’t. When it didn’t, going for a ride on the motorcycle helped. Heists helped. Fixing things or working out helped. But sometimes, when it was this bad, the panic would set in bone deep and I’d just have to ride it out, remembering to breathe. Alec chose that moment to walk in, and jumped in surprise at seeing me curled on the ground with my knees pulled close to my chest, eyes blown wide and breathing in short jerks, counting softly to myself.  
“Max? What is it? Do you need some milk?” He closed the door, thank god, I didn't want anyone else seeing me like this, and squatted down in front of me. I couldn't find the words to explain, and shook my head slightly, as much as my tense body would allow. I saw him focus in on me, trying to read my emotions.  
“Oh.” He said quietly, “Panic attack?” He asked.  
Slight nod from me.  
He sat beside me, our shoulders lightly touching, just enough to let me know he was there. We stayed like that for a solid half hour before my tremors began to edge off and I was able to find my voice.  
“Sorry” I said.  
“Hey, don’t worry about it. I get them sometimes too. I think when they created us they never thought about what would happen if we were ever to get out from under their control. We aren't really well equipped to deal with the outside world.”  
I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself to calm down, and I turned into Alec. Reacting quickly, he brought and arm up and around me, pulling me into him. Truth was, I was tired of never being weak. Just because I tried to lock it down didn't mean it went away.  
“You don't have anything to be sorry for, Maxie.”  
“You need to get to medical, Alec.” I started to pull myself up off the floor, but he held me there.”  
“Just a little longer.”  
I don't think either of us knew what he was really meaning to say, but we settled back in, for just a little longer.


	6. Bittersweet Reunions

The next hour was a frenzy. Alec went down to the med bay while I waited in headquarters. Coms were silent for the mission so I had no insight into whether or not my brother was safe. Until, at last, “we got him” crackled in over the coms. I snatched the mic away from Mole, “What condition is he in?” I demanded  
“He’s stable enough. We are three miles out. He’s heavily sedated, have Clary set up the med center for us. He needs fluids. Out.”  
Passing a disgruntled Mole back the mic, I started out the door towards medical. There wasn't a hospital in TC, but there were a few old labs, one of which we had converted into a med bay for us. Clary, an anomaly with the face of a bear who was able to smell things far beyond what we could like infection and tumors, was in charge. There was a rotation of several other nomalies and x series who would act as nurses on call. Tonight, Fixit happened to be on duty. She was trying to learn field med. I burst through the doors, startling both of them and Alec who they were finishing stitching up on the table. Clary asked, “Max, what’s up?”   
“Zane is coming, he’s been sedated and will need fluids.”  
“Who?” Asked Fixit.  
“My brother, Zane. Logan had him. I got him back.” They were both looking at me strangely, and I realized Alec must not have filled them in. Taking a deep breath, I explained, “Zane went to Logan’s looking for me. Logan sedated him and locked him up because he wanted to use him as initiative to make me do something. I did the thing. Alec took a bullet, obviously. We got the address from Logan. Zane is on his way here.”  
Fixit looked horrified, “He did what??”  
“Yeah, permission granted to kill him if you see him.” The anger was coming back into my voice but now was not the time, “Alec, how’s your shoulder?” I moved towards him, hand outstretched to take over dressing the wound for Clary so she could ready a place for Zane.  
He looked at me, and I took a moment to calm myself down, “It’s fine, they dug the bullet out so now it’s just a matter of time. Don’t worry, Maxie I’ll be good as new in a couple days.” He smiled wide, but I just glared at him.  
“If you keep getting shot in the same arm, eventually even our genetics won't be able to heal you.” He rolled his eyes, and I asked what had been bothering me, “you said you’d gotten distracted. Distracted by what?”  
He looked away, “The third guard was coming in through a door behind you. I didn't know if you could see him or not.” He said quietly.  
“oh.” I was surprised. We were trained only to focus on what was at hand, while keeping our peripheral vision out for any other immediate threat. Given that I was in another room, he shouldn’t have noticed at all that someone was coming in from behind me, and it absolutely shouldn't have distracted him to the degree that he would be injured.   
“Weren’t you trained to tune that stuff out?” He must have been. I was, at the age of five.  
“Of course.”  
“Then why didn't you?”  
“I was worried.” I heard Fixit let out a small laugh, and turned to see her and Clary looking at one another like they knew something I didn’t.  
“That I couldn't take care of myself?” I asked.  
“That you wouldn't notice.” He retorted  
“I did.”  
“I see that.” I finished wrapping up his shouldering gauze and pulled back to study my handiwork.   
“Next time instead of worrying how ‘bout you focus on not getting shot.”

He didn't get a chance to reply because at that moment the double doors swung open to reveal Gem, Dalton, Joshua and Albi pushing Zane on a gurney. Clary was in her element. Within moments, Zane was moved to a bed and hooked up to all the necessary fluids and monitors. I moved forward to hold onto his hand as soon as she and Fixit stepped back.

I choked back a half sob-half laugh. I was right. He’d grown into his ears. He was as handsome as they come, even with his black eye and split lip. Wavy brown hair stubbornly sticking up in all directions, as usual. Damn, it was good to see him though. I wondered distractedly if he could still beat me in three moves at chess as I pushed his hair away from his face, and asked Clary, “what’s the verdict?”  
“He’ll be fine. Now that we’re getting him rehydrated he should be awake within ten minutes. No further injuries other than some bruising.” She nodded to herself as she spoke. 

“Seems like Logan was true to his word.” Alec said sardonically. Zane began to stir, “Move back.” I ordered. I remembered very clearly how lethal Zane could be when thrust into an unfamiliar and unsafe situation. Everyone in the room took a few steps away, and I stayed close enough to the bed to ensure he would see me first. Logan had said he’d recognized me on TV, meaning he should recognize me as an adult easily. The room was still and tense as he opened his eyes groggily, then leapt up and into the corner, pushing the hospital bed he had been laying on in between him and us as a precaution, landing in a fighting stance. I recognized the move as one I had done many times, and smiled, “Hey, Zane. Been a while.” 

His eyes roamed from Alec, to Joshua and Clary, moved over Fixit, and landed on me.   
“Max.” His face softened in recognition, but he remained tense and at the ready.  
“You’re safe now, Zane. You’re in Terminal City. Welcome home, brother.” I was starting to laugh in relief. I had gotten a piece of my family back. After everything that had happened with the other siblings I had recently come into contact with, seeing him standing and ready for a fight in front of me was overwhelming.   
He stood then, coming to his full height. He was really tall. Way taller than I'd expected. At least 6’10”. A smile lit up his features, and I knew him then for sure. No one could ever match his mischief loving smile. In two short strides he was pulling me into a bone crushing hug, and we were laughing again. Stepping back, he cast his glance back around the room, sizing up Alec and Joshua the most, then looking around at the med center we had. “Quite the set up you’ve got here little sister. I’m impressed. How’d you get me away from your little boyfriend?” I winced, but Alec stepped forward to answer, “We got him the information he asked for, and he gave us your coordinates.” Alec put his hand out, “I’m Alec.” Zane stood with his back straight as he analyzed Alec and his intentions before shaking his outstretched hand. I gave Alec a quick appreciative smile, which Zane caught. “Oh, so it was your ex boyfriend then.” Zane amended. Alec’s eyes went wide before he quickly covered it and said, “Yes, she’s given the order to shoot on sight if we see him in TC again.” I was beet red, I knew, but I pushed forward as they dropped their hands, “Zane, you should lay back down. You need to rest up.”  
Zane huffed, “Oh, now Max, I’ve managed without you for years now, don’t you start your mother henning again this quick. Besides, I've been laying about for days in that warehouse and I’m starving. What’ve you got around here for food?”  
“I do NOT act like a mother hen.” I said reproachfully. Zane reached around and ruffled my hair like he used to when we were children, “yes you do, Max. Now. Mess hall?” I reached up and twisted his arm behind his back so fast I blurred, also like I used to do when we were children. He had the wherewithal to at least wince appropriately before I let him go.  
“Wow” said Joshua, “I knew Max had brothers and sisters but I didn’t think quite so brother and sisters.”  
We both laughed, and I realized I had forgotten to introduce everyone else.   
“Zane, Alec is my SIC here.” Zane gave Alec another scanning look, and nodded to show his approval of my choice. I was relieved he didn’t seem to see the resemblance between Alec and Ben. I didn't want to have to explain that again. Continuing, I said, “This is Gem, she’s in charge of the school we have in TC. About 20 kids total. This big fella is Joshua, he was the first transgenic ever created. This is Dalton, he’s a huge help around headquarters. Albi, made for cold weather, and good in a pinch. This is Fixit, she collects objects left behind in TC and makes them useful again. And this is Clary, our very own transgenic doctor.” Zane nodded to each of them in turn as I introduced them. “it’s nice to meet all of you.” Zane said, “How many transgenics are in Terminal City?” He asked as the med bay door swung open again to reveal Mole.  
“About 2,000.” Mole grunted out. He stopped a little ways off from the circle we had come into in the center of the room, looking Zane up and down. “Yup,” he continued, “you’re her brother all right. I can see the family resemblance.”   
Zane looked back at me questioningly, “What?”   
“You may have been made in a test tube, but the two of you look just alike. Something in the way you carry yourselves or something. Anyway, I need Alec. We gotta go over the parameters of our mission tomorrow. I need more cigars and we’re low on food. In that order.” Mole said gruffly.   
Alec looked over to me, casting his glance towards Zane, and I knew he was asking me if I felt okay with being left alone to handle my sibling. I nodded slightly, knowing Zane was watching our silent communication. “Alright, Mole, let’s go.” Alec said, heading towards the door.

I ran after them, “Wait! I caught his good arm and pulled him through the door, waiting for it to swing closed and for Mole to walk outside before speaking, “You need to have an early night tonight. You may be all stitched up but you lost a lot of blood.” He smirked down at me, “Who’s worried now, Maxie?”  
“Alec, I mean it. As you CO I’m ordering you to be in bed before midnight.”  
“Why? You gonna join me?” I smacked him on the head.  
He rolled his eyes, “Okay, okay, early bedtime, yes ma’am. Sheesh, you should listen to Zane and settle a bit on the mothering.”  
“Sure, but then who would keep you alive?”  
“Yeah but you like going places with me. I just can't get rid of you, can I?” I hit him and shoved him out the door after Mole as he started whistling a jaunty tune. Turning quickly, I returned to the med bay where Zane was in conversation with Gem about the different kids around camp and what he could do to help out. Fixit and Clary had vanished, and Albi and Dalton were cleaning up, and restocking. Joshua was standing close to the door, and stopped me as I walked in, “Little ‘Fella, is Zane going to stay? I like him. He acts like Little Fella.”  
“I dunno, Joshua, but I really hope so.” We moved forward together to where Gem was saying to Zane, “we could really use another full time teacher, and I know the kitchens are always hoping for someone who knows how to cook to offer help.”  
“I actually taught a class on fixing up cars and motorcycles in San Diego for a few years, how different could math be?” Zane said.  
“So, you’ll stay then?” I asked, holding my breath. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but it would be nice to have him here with me.  
“Duh, Max. What, you thought I'd show up and then leave you all alone again? I don’t think so. Though, it didn't really seem like you were too alone if you know what I mean.” He waggled his eyebrows at me and I reached out and flicked him on the nose. He cracked up.  
“Seriously” he said, “What kind of big brother would I be if I did that. Actually, speaking of brothers, I haven't heard from anyone in a while, do you know where any of the others are? I mean are they here?” He looked so hopeful it broke my heart.   
“Yeah, Zane. I know a little bit. We should talk.”  
Zane’s easy smile slid off his face, and suddenly he was all business. Looking like he used to when it was time for drills and early morning training. I grimaced at the sharp change. 

Gem and Joshua took the hint and left the room, and Dalton and Albi finished up and walked out with them.   
“What is it Max? What’s happened?”  
“I don't even know where to begin.”  
I knew I couldn't tell him about Ben. I really just wouldn’t. I never wanted him to find out how dark our sweet brother who had kept us all together had gotten. As for the rest of them, I didn't know how to explain Zack, or how to get through telling him about Brin and Tinga. So I started with the safest, Krit and Syl.   
“Krit and Syl are alive, last I heard, and you know they wouldn't leave each other’s sides. They came in to Seattle a couple of years ago to help out on a mission, but left when I was recaptured by Manticore. They thought I was killed.”   
Zane nodded, “that’s good, they’re definitely safe, probably just laying low and waiting for all of this to blow over.” I continued, “I haven't heard from Jondy or Brin either, but with any luck they’re together too. Brin was re-indoctrinated.” Zane winced, it was all of our worst fear, “I don't really know what happened to her when I burned Manticore to the ground, but I assume she got out, and I know she’d head for Jondy. I sent Jace over the boarder with her kid, so I know she’s more than likely okay too.”  
“Okay, this is all good news, Max, so why do you look so sad?” He asked, reaching out to grab my hand and pull me down to sit on the bed. I closed my eyes, and forced myself to continue. 

“Tinga, deceased, died in my arms, killed by Manticore. Ben, deceased, died in my arms, killed by…”  
I couldn’t do it. I couldn't say that Manticore had killed him. Somehow, telling Alec the truth had been so much easier. Which only confused me, because how could it possibly be easier to admit to killing your own brother to someone you’d only known a little while than telling your other brother? I had to say something.   
“Killed evading recapture by Manticore.” I finished quietly, a half truth better than nothing. I opened my eyes, Zane staring down at the ground, trying to take in the information that the people we both loved so fiercely were gone, “And Zack?” He asked.  
“Zack.” It came out as a whisper, torn from my lips. “Lost.” I choked on the words, felt the tears I couldn’t continue to hold back start steaming down my cheeks as I met Zane’s eyes again and saw the concern and confusion there. “Zack, lost.” I started again, “Suicide. I took a bullet in the heart. He… donated his heart. Kept alive by manticore to harvest organs. Brain damage from…” I stopped again, throat tight, “they patched him up, artificial organs, he was regenerating. Memory gone. When it started to come back, it came back wrong. He tried to kill eyes only, and thought he and I were a couple. I wiped his memory clean again.”   
“So he’s alive?” Zane asked, hope evident on his face. I tore my eyes from him, and pulled my legs up, resting my chin on my knees, and retreated into myself.  
“Yes. But he doesn't know who he is.” I whispered, the tears falling more rapidly now, “He’s working on a farm and going by the name of Adam. He doesn't remember.” Zane put an arm around my shoulder, “Hey, it’s okay Max. He’s alive. That’s all that matters. You’re all over the TV, and if his memory is coming back to him, maybe he’ll remember correctly this go around and come here like I did.”  
He tried to make me feel better for a while before his quick humor came out and he realized what I had said, “So, he thought you were a couple, huh?” He said with a snort, “fat chance. Even if the two of you weren't more like brother and sister than the rest of us, you’d kill one another within an hour if you were ever to try dating.” I nodded, still miserable.   
“Come on, Max, cheer up. Please?” He gave me his best puppy dog eyes, which usually worked like a charm. He sighed, “Zack loved you best of all of us, you know. It was the two of you as the leaders of the pack, it never really mattered that we were only supposed to have one CO. You were more like twins than siblings, and it shown through.”   
He sat up on the bed and crossed his legs, turning to face me, “I remember you with Zack back then, like two parts of a whole.” He paused, before continuing cautiously, “I get how he could get confused, honestly. If he had his memory ripped away from him. The two of you are like soulmates. Fire and ice - reckless abandon and control. Without the other, there’s just too much missing.”  
I knew what he meant, because I’d recognized it for myself a very long time ago. Well before we even considered the thought of escape. Zack and I didn't understand the other’s work ethic or choices, and that led us to fight like only siblings could, but we had a deep respect and understanding for one another, and together we were absolutely unstoppable. I was prepared to take on any and all sudden shifts in the plan that were unforeseen, and Zack would create a plan that was so detailed it would have plans A-Z with an extra just in case. Zack was the one who made the final decisions, who we all listened to when it came down to it, but he and I were a team.  
“Don’t worry, Max.” Zane was saying, “I promise you, we’ll get him back. No matter what it takes, we’ll get Zack back.” I looked up at him, and saw his earnest eyes and knew he meant what he was saying. It was the first time I'd ever talked about what had gone down with Zack to anyone outside of OC and Logan, and for the first time I felt hopeful about the whole situation. I was hopeful that maybe I’d get Zack back, MY Zack, the one who remembered everything properly. For now, there were other things that needed to get done, “come on,” I said, “let’s go show you around and find you something to eat.”   
We walked out of medical side by side, and I felt a weight lift off of me, knowing I had a sibling by my side again.


	7. Alec's thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just a quick snipet outside of the main story that's from Alec's POV.

Alec wasn't always so sure what to think of Max. It was like she was made of butterflies and chaos. One second, soft and kind and gentle. Getting shot in the gut because she cared enough to jump in front of a kid in the gas line. Kissing Joshua on the forehead when she was worried about him and taking him out trick or treating to make him happy. Panic attacks and needing support, and finally feeling willing to ask for the help she so desperately needed. And then in the next second it was back to the stone cold bitch. Hitting Alec over the back of the head, yelling at him for things that weren’t his fault, barking orders like she knew the ins and outs of everything. It drove him crazy, and really pissed him off. But lately, he was seeing more of the gentle Max, and that drove him crazy too. He tried to convince himself that it was because he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. When that didn't work, he tried to just ignore it. All of his protests vanished when, a few days after the panic attack, Max knocked on the door of his office and asked for a hug, staring down at her shoes and looking mad at herself for even thinking of asking. She’d melded into him and around his heart and he let her. He gave up all of his arguments and half truths inside his head and saw what was really going on.   
From that point, it only got worse. It seemed like everything she did he would read into. Every small smile, every laugh, every brush of her arm against his he wondered if maybe she could feel the same way. He recalled what he’d told Asha once, about how if he wanted a woman he’d tell her. He just couldn't get past the thought that if things went sideways, the price would be too high for him to be willing to pay and he would want to leave TC. His life would suck without her, he thought. As usual, he wanted what he couldn't have; he was out of his mind but he wanted to wait it out. He couldn't forget the little moments they had, and he knew she felt them too. It wasn’t like him to get all mushy, so he stayed silent, and she drove him crazy in new ways.


End file.
